Over the last few weeks I have been reflecting on all of the blessings that God has given me in the past few years. My life has completely turned around in some areas where I felt that things were doomed to remain the same forever. Other areas of my life have improved immeasurably and I am very much filled with gratitude; although I didn't realize how truly grateful I was until I wrote them down. I started my list of blessings shortly after I finished reading "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer. In her book, she mentions the Israelites who complained about everything...even the blessings that were given them just because they were still stuck in the wilderness...and the reason they were still stuck in the desert was partly because they lacked a spirit of gratitude for what God had done for them (leading them out of Egypt and oppression).
To fully understand why I am so happy about where I am and where I am headed in my life, I must first tell you where I've been. Right after I had my son, Sean in 2006, I suffered from a massive bout of depression. Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful holding my new little bundle of joy but it was also extremely overwhelming. We lived in a small apartment, that I kid you not, you could easily stand in the hallway and have all of your appendages touching a different room. I had absolutely no friends. All of the people that I had called friends before I had married or had a child were in a different place in their lives. All of those friends were still single and most had moved out of the area and were still in college. With a new baby, I had no time to stay in touch and with their busy class schedules they had no time for me either.
I didn't even have a pet to coddle or nurture and this really bothered me. I had always had a pet growing up and in the apartment no pets were allowed.
I also was afraid to go get the mail out of the mailbox or take out the trash because every time I would get the courage to go to the mailbox or the dumpster I would hear catcalls from other tenants or get looks from various other people living in the apartments. There was no play area and only a small amount of grass beside the apartment and all of the kids within the apartments would play on the gravel but always had to worry about possibly being run over by a careless driver whacked-out on some kind of drug. So--going outside didn't happen. I was stuck between four walls...starved for any other human interaction and I was beginning to feel like I didn't even deserve to have someone listen to me when I did talk.
I had grown up in church and God was still important to me but now with my husband's second job we had to work on the weekends and were working every Sunday. Not going to church, not worshiping God, not fellow shipping with other Christians made me feel so unworthy, so unloved, so depressed....so wretched.
On top of all of this, I was so bored. The television was my only companion during the day and then my husband got home from his first job and I had absolutely nothing to contribute to an adult conversation. When we are "bored" is when we start to entertain some pretty unhealthy thoughts. I was really beginning to feel that I was unworthy of friendship and any one's love....let alone God's love.
The first major turnaround for me was coming to Mom's Connection. Here I found other moms, reconnected with God (who still loves me), and began to heal. I have built some pretty awesome friendships with some pretty amazing ladies. I feel accepted, loved, and appreciated. I just wanted to thank all of you ladies who made me feel special again. Thank you for the change you helped along in me though your friendship, advice, and love.
I consider being your Hospitality Coordinator one of the biggest blessings in my life. I enjoy giving back some of the love and friendship that all of you have so graciously extended to me.
I have been blessed beyond belief. Now I have a beautiful new home, two cute little bunny rabbits, a beta fish, and plenty of room for me and little Sean to play outside. I also get to mow the grass...which is almost a passion with me. In fact, when the weather was so cold and nasty and snowy this past winter I dreamed about mowing the grass....:)
Most importantly, I have a brand-new invigorating hunger and relationship with Christ. Even though I put our relationship on the back burner...he never forgot me. He has taken me into His arms like the prodigal daughter I was and it is wonderful to allow myself to feel His love once more.
It is truly awesome to stand in His presence once again and give Him the praise and worship He so richly deserves. God is good!