Recently, a horrible, catastrophic thing happened. I ran out of books to read before bed. Usually, I get my supply at different book sales around the area and unfortunately there were no book sales to be found anytime soon. I am too cheap to buy a book at full price unless it has been really raved upon by critics and promises to be truly awesome. As I was about to voice my unhappiness to my husband that I had nothing to read and hence wouldn't be able to go to bed that night, I heard a small voice in my head say, "Why not read the all-time bestseller ever written before bed?" So, I took that voice's advice [God] and went in the bedroom and opened my Bible. I opened it to the beginning of Job and began reading. At the time, I really didn't know why I didn't start at Genesis or even Matthew or anywhere else in the Bible but upon the completion of the book of Job I realized why the Lord led me there.
The book of Job begins with a conversation between the Lord and the devil in which the devil is allowed by God to test Job provided that he doesn't harm Job. After the test was agreed upon to prove to Satan that Job was truly blameless and a servant of the Lord, Job goes on to lose everything he has and is even beset with blemishes himself. Through this whole ordeal Job doesn't give up on his love and devotion to the Lord. In the end of the book Job sees everything restored to him and then some. He lives out his life to see his children and their children to the fourth generation. He lost everything except his faith in the Lord and his faith was all he really needed. As long as he had the Lord he was complete.
I have seriously meditated on this book for a few weeks and last night after watching ,"The Biggest Loser" it finally hit me why this book was important for me to read at this stage of my life. Through my life I have kept a record of people that have wronged me in one way or another. By keeping this record, I was also not allowing myself to get too close to anyone for fear that they would find a new and terrible way to hurt me. In effect, I was keeping myself from relationships that I needed and that others needed with me. I knew that I should forgive the people that had wronged me and that I should work on trying to forget what they had done to me. But for some reason, like a security blanket, I was holding on to my hatred for all I was worth. In Matthew 18: 22, we are told to forgive others seventy-seven times or seventy times seven. I realized that I may have told myself that I forgave these people but I was still carrying around bad feelings towards them and for that I was sinning against God without even realizing it.
I had this epiphany while watching., "The Biggest Loser" because I realized I needed to become a big loser. I needed to lose those feelings of hatred and betrayal from people in my life that probably didn't mean to hurt me. How could I expect the Lord to bless me if I was holding onto my burden? How could I ever expect to build healthy relationships while holding myself aloof, afraid that I was going to be hurt again? Before bed last night I prayed to God to please banish those feelings and that I know in having those feelings that I am sinning and that I can't lose them without His help.
This morning, I woke up feeling 100 pounds lighter. I truly feel like 'The Biggest Loser'. Even though like the contestants on that show, I know it is only a small step on my journey.
Job lost everything only to gain everything back and more. I have lost my unforgiveness and I know that God will now work on me to restore my faith and trust in others and I am willing to hand over every one of my relationships to Him so that He can bathe them in His light and love.
What do you have to lose? Is it feelings of hatred and betrayal like I had? Is it feelings of worthlessness or depression? God can truly work a miracle within your heart.